Mr. Wu Award #2: (Posthumous) Edward M. Kennedy (August 28,2009)

The late Senator Edward M. Kennedy, the Senator from Chivas Regal, is our latest winner of the Mr. Wu Award, recognizing him for the fact that for most of his life, he was a miserable and ignominious cocksucker. Among other things, Teddy wassuspended from Harvard for cheating, killed Mary Jo Kopechne, joked about it, slander Judge Bork lied about the accomplishments of US and ARVN troops during the battle of Hamburger Hill on the Senate Floor, and was a notorious collaborator with the Soviet Union during the early 1980s. The fact that he is being buried in Arlington National Cemetery, a garden of stone that has honored our nation’s honored warriors since the Civil War, is an utter and foul disgrace. It is a stain on our dead.

He’s been called the Lion of the Senate. Wrong. He is the Flounder of the Senate. He is a fat pig that did nothing more in his entire life than prove Dean Wormer (fromAnimal House) right in his declaration that “fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”

If Joe Jr., Jack, and Bobby represented the cream of the Kennedy DNA, then Teddy (like the character Danny Devito played in Twins) represents the left-over detritus ofin vitro fertilization.

His passing is not tragic. For me, it is not even said. His demise raises the moral quotient of the planet by an order of magnitude. His Senate career – bought with his families money, his name, and the actual tragedies of his siblings – spanned my lifetime. We are lesser for that. He traded on the tragedies that surrounded them to feed his hunger for power and his thirst for position.

He was and remains an ignominious cocksuckah of the highest order, and for that, he is our second choice for the vaunted Mr. Wu Award.