Joe Albero Awarded the Mr. Wu "Cocksuckah of the Decade" Award

Delmar, DE: Sam I Am has decided to award Joe Albero the "Cocksuckah of the Decade" Award for his outstanding ability at being a Cock Sucker. Fittingly, as part of the requirement for winning the Mr. Wu Award, to be a "Joe Albero" was one of the many qualifications for winning the Mr. Wu Award, as set down by the great Tim Patterson at Gunpowderchronicle.com.

So without further ado, you Joe Albero, are named "Cocksuckah of the Decade" and we hope you will proudly wear the decorated dildo around your neck and suck proudly on it.

The Mr. Wu Award

The Gunpowder Chronicle began an award that Sam I Am thought was absolutely beautiful, the Mr. Wu Award. Sam I Am wishes to certain honor people with his own version of the Mr. Wu Award and respectfully keep the original Mr. Wu Award winners in succession.

We have several people in the coming weeks who most certainly deserve this award and they will be honored for their outstanding service to the community, the state, the nation and the world.

Mr. Wu Award #2: (Posthumous) Edward M. Kennedy (August 28,2009)

The late Senator Edward M. Kennedy, the Senator from Chivas Regal, is our latest winner of the Mr. Wu Award, recognizing him for the fact that for most of his life, he was a miserable and ignominious cocksucker. Among other things, Teddy wassuspended from Harvard for cheating, killed Mary Jo Kopechne, joked about it, slander Judge Bork lied about the accomplishments of US and ARVN troops during the battle of Hamburger Hill on the Senate Floor, and was a notorious collaborator with the Soviet Union during the early 1980s. The fact that he is being buried in Arlington National Cemetery, a garden of stone that has honored our nation’s honored warriors since the Civil War, is an utter and foul disgrace. It is a stain on our dead.

He’s been called the Lion of the Senate. Wrong. He is the Flounder of the Senate. He is a fat pig that did nothing more in his entire life than prove Dean Wormer (fromAnimal House) right in his declaration that “fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”

If Joe Jr., Jack, and Bobby represented the cream of the Kennedy DNA, then Teddy (like the character Danny Devito played in Twins) represents the left-over detritus ofin vitro fertilization.

His passing is not tragic. For me, it is not even said. His demise raises the moral quotient of the planet by an order of magnitude. His Senate career – bought with his families money, his name, and the actual tragedies of his siblings – spanned my lifetime. We are lesser for that. He traded on the tragedies that surrounded them to feed his hunger for power and his thirst for position.

He was and remains an ignominious cocksuckah of the highest order, and for that, he is our second choice for the vaunted Mr. Wu Award.

Mr. Wu Award #1: O'Guvnah Martin O'Malley (August 13, 2009)

In the great HBO series "Deadwood", the Chinese in the mining camp were lead by a Mr. Wu. Mr. Wu did was a, shall we say confidante, of entrepreneur (pimp, murderer, drug kingpin, etc.) Al Swearingen. But Mr. Wu did not speak much English. In fact, the only word that Mr. Wu really spoke was "cocksucker", which came out more as "cocksuckah".

It is therefore, with great pride that I inaugurate the Gunpowder Chronicle's brand new "Mr. Wu Award", recognizing from time to time, that individual (or organization) that displays the distinct traits of an ignominious cocksucker.

Our inagural award winner of the "Mr. Wu Award" is the Governor of the State of Maryland, Martin O'Malley.

What has O'Guvnah done to be recognized as an ignominious cocksucker? Well, a lot actually. Tax increases. Fake furloughs. Massive spending increases. Breathing. But I want to highlight his little gamesmanship with the Maryland Association of Counties meeting in Ocean City.

You see, every year, all the elected county mongrels get together in Ocean City on the taxpayer's dime to get slobbered over by state employees, also visiting Ocean City in the height of the summer season on the taxpayer's dime. And of course, the Governor of the Great State of Maryland must throw a party.

When Bobby Ehrlich was in office, the Republican Party paid for the party. But when O'Cocksucker was elected, he decided to start using his money from the Governor's Office (taxpayer money) to pay for the party. This year, that party was being held at Seacrets, and was going to run a smooth $12,000. But then O'Cocksucker decided that such extravagance looked bad, given his complete and total inability to actually make a budget, and so he canceled it.

And now enters one of the biggest lobbying firms in Maryland -- Alexander Cleaver -- who decides to pick up the tab for the party.

Just what the fuck are these people thinking?

Having a huge player in the lobbying game pay for a party for elected officials and state employees seems like a good idea? Are you fucking nuts, O'Guvnah? Really, have you had your brain checked? Did Mrs. O'Guvnah hit you upside your head with a frying pan?

While Marylanders struggle with energy costs, while Maryland companies struggle with your overbearing tax increases, while Marylanders in general struggle to pay bills and clothe and feed their families, you are going to let a lobbying firm cough up a cool twelve grand so you all can party?

O'Guvnah, because you such a worthless fucking elitist who could find his own asshole with both hands, a flashlight, and a press aide... you are hereby granted our Inaugural "Mr. Wu Award".

You sir, are a COCKSUCKAH!